Today started quite well. I had a bit of a headache when I got out of bed this morning, but that was from the massive amount of cleaning and spackling the day before, in an attempt to redecorate the upstairs bathroom. A little breakfast, and I was ready to start the day.
I had no complaints about work, as everything was nice and dull. The day progressed with no problems, and my headache dissipated.
It was later in the afternoon, as I was getting ready for my Tai Chi class, that things began to go wrong. Oh, it started innocently enough. I decided to take a shower in the downstairs bathroom; a sort of 'inaugural cruise', if you will, since we hadn't really used it since I finished it. Everything went swimmingly, and I went upstairs to get dressed for class.
Here, I digress. Every homeowner, after a certain amount of time, knows every creak, pop, squeak, shimmy, or other annoying noise their home makes. I do. I can tell, from the opposite end of the house, when the ice maker refills. So, when you hear rushing water when the washing machine and dishwasher are both silent, your life passes before you.
And you run.
I wish the Guinness people had been around, because I blew away speed records in reaching the basement. Of course, my first and only thought was stopping the flow of water that was gushing from the access hall between the bathroom and the bedroom, so I neglected to turn on any lights. In the dark, I found the bathroom's shutoff valves and, naturally, turned off the wrong one first. When I finally got the blown line's valve in hand, I was a bit dismayed to find that it wasn't working completely. Fully closed, it was still letting a trickle flow through, deepening my new indoor swimming pool. In wet socks, I slogged over to the main and shut off the whole house.
Thankfully, the idiots that built my house couldn't level a concrete pad to save their lives, so the water was corralled on the uncarpeted side of the basement. Unfortunately, it just happened to be the side with all the boxes and tables jammed against the wall.
It was about this time, for some reason, the song, "Come On, Get Happy" began running through my head. Suddenly, I found myself wondering if David Cassidy was still alive so I could strangle him.
To make a long story manageably short, five hours, two shop vacuums, one box fan, many towels, four repair couplings, and a large amount of primer and cement later, we have running water. The cause of my entire problem had been a small seal in the shutoff valve I mentioned earlier. The seal broke free and was swept through the line to a repair coupling where it, apparently, caused a pressure variance that blew out the compression fitting.
A series of unfortunate events. And none of it was lemony.
This evening, as things were calming down, I was speaking to one of my friends over the phone. She was telling me about how, at around the same time I was having my day's adventure, she was really wishing for a heavy rain. Also, about this time, her grandmother had a water line explode in her basement. She felt bad because she 'caused' it. Hmmm. . . No, Diane, I'm not letting you take responsibility for this one. This is just the way the Universe keeps things interesting for me.
"Come on, get happy"? It's a screaming wonder I don't drink.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Saturday, May 06, 2006
No Brain, No Gain
I have come to a single conclusion. . . I need to write a book on fitness.
What? It's true.
Walk into any bookstore in the United States (and, most likely, Canada) and you will find an entire section of books devoted to making everyone fit, healthy, strong, and generally gorgeous. There are diets from the sensible to the absurd, weight training routines that are supposed to make anyone look like Conan the Barbarian, and fitness routines that are a melding of martial arts and dance that, in all honesty, I truly wonder about.
And, yet, we are a nation of obesity. Obesity is the second leading cause of death in the U.S., with approximately 60 million people considered obese (Body Mass Index >30) and approximately 9 million extremely obese (BMI >40). Once again, though, I have to wonder how true those facts are since, not that long ago, I also saw an article about how the BMI index is inaccurate, as it does nothing to distinguish between lean body weight (muscle) and fat. In fact, it doesn't even consider clothing.
I wear, on average, around 5 pounds of clothing, not including my shoes. This is jeans, shirt, and whatever is in my pockets or on my belt (wallet, keys, cell phone, spare change, etc.). At home, weighing myself in lighter attire, I am not considered overweight by the BMI index (though it is only by a narrow margin). At the doctor's office, they do not even require me to take off my shoes to be weighed so, there, I am overweight (BMI = 25.8).
Needless to say, I have little confidence in medical science's ability to gauge my health by such tenuous means.
I do believe there is a problem, however. It's hard to not see it. We live in a country where the meat of another animal has become a condiment (i.e., "I'll take my half-pound burger with lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and BACON!!"). There are greasy, fast-food places on every corner and, quite frankly, our society is not exactly a model of self-control.
I am not here, today, to take a 'holier-than-thou' attitude on the matter. Far from it, I am here to set the record straight. I am NOT an expert, nor am I a certified personal trainer or nutritionist. I am an average being with above-average knowledge of the subject of fitness because of one reason, alone:
I acknowledge that no two people are exactly alike.
Everyone is different. This fact seems to escape all the 'gurus' and 'experts' who write these books. People buy their collective works as though they are the Word from On High, but what works for one person, or even a sizable group, is not guaranteed to work for the average person. I have, over the years, picked up a large number of fitness magazines, all claiming to have the best workouts for muscle mass, or diets for fat-burning, and I've tried a few, now and again. Have they all worked? No. Have some of them worked? No.
Now, don't get me wrong; there was a lot of helpful information in those articles, but just not all at once. I follow fitness guidelines for myself that is a hybridization of all of the knowledge I've accumulated over the years since high school, and I've made it work for me. I weight train four days a week, run at least a mile on the other days, and throw in Tai Chi as often as I can. It works for me. Will it work for you? Probably not. Remember, everyone is different.
My point, through all this ranting, is that the human body is an amazing machine. If you exert yourself, physically, on a regular basis using common sense, you will improve your health. If you are mindful of what you eat and lay off of the garbage food, you will lose weight or, at least, maintain a healthy weight. For some people, losing weight could be as simple as cutting out soft drinks. For others, medical intervention could be required. Carb-free diets and all-liquid meals are fads that come and go and, quite frankly, should be left alone.
If you are concerned about your weight, you should talk to your doctor. No magazine or book or DVD knows you like he or she does. Doctors aren't all about the prescriptions; they may have a good, simple plan for you to follow. Besides, you should see your doctor for a physical before starting any workout regimen, so you're going to be there, anyway.
Remember, it's our duty as good citizens to live as long as we can, just to keep the Social Security people totally confounded.
What? It's true.
Walk into any bookstore in the United States (and, most likely, Canada) and you will find an entire section of books devoted to making everyone fit, healthy, strong, and generally gorgeous. There are diets from the sensible to the absurd, weight training routines that are supposed to make anyone look like Conan the Barbarian, and fitness routines that are a melding of martial arts and dance that, in all honesty, I truly wonder about.
And, yet, we are a nation of obesity. Obesity is the second leading cause of death in the U.S., with approximately 60 million people considered obese (Body Mass Index >30) and approximately 9 million extremely obese (BMI >40). Once again, though, I have to wonder how true those facts are since, not that long ago, I also saw an article about how the BMI index is inaccurate, as it does nothing to distinguish between lean body weight (muscle) and fat. In fact, it doesn't even consider clothing.
I wear, on average, around 5 pounds of clothing, not including my shoes. This is jeans, shirt, and whatever is in my pockets or on my belt (wallet, keys, cell phone, spare change, etc.). At home, weighing myself in lighter attire, I am not considered overweight by the BMI index (though it is only by a narrow margin). At the doctor's office, they do not even require me to take off my shoes to be weighed so, there, I am overweight (BMI = 25.8).
Needless to say, I have little confidence in medical science's ability to gauge my health by such tenuous means.
I do believe there is a problem, however. It's hard to not see it. We live in a country where the meat of another animal has become a condiment (i.e., "I'll take my half-pound burger with lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and BACON!!"). There are greasy, fast-food places on every corner and, quite frankly, our society is not exactly a model of self-control.
I am not here, today, to take a 'holier-than-thou' attitude on the matter. Far from it, I am here to set the record straight. I am NOT an expert, nor am I a certified personal trainer or nutritionist. I am an average being with above-average knowledge of the subject of fitness because of one reason, alone:
I acknowledge that no two people are exactly alike.
Everyone is different. This fact seems to escape all the 'gurus' and 'experts' who write these books. People buy their collective works as though they are the Word from On High, but what works for one person, or even a sizable group, is not guaranteed to work for the average person. I have, over the years, picked up a large number of fitness magazines, all claiming to have the best workouts for muscle mass, or diets for fat-burning, and I've tried a few, now and again. Have they all worked? No. Have some of them worked? No.
Now, don't get me wrong; there was a lot of helpful information in those articles, but just not all at once. I follow fitness guidelines for myself that is a hybridization of all of the knowledge I've accumulated over the years since high school, and I've made it work for me. I weight train four days a week, run at least a mile on the other days, and throw in Tai Chi as often as I can. It works for me. Will it work for you? Probably not. Remember, everyone is different.
My point, through all this ranting, is that the human body is an amazing machine. If you exert yourself, physically, on a regular basis using common sense, you will improve your health. If you are mindful of what you eat and lay off of the garbage food, you will lose weight or, at least, maintain a healthy weight. For some people, losing weight could be as simple as cutting out soft drinks. For others, medical intervention could be required. Carb-free diets and all-liquid meals are fads that come and go and, quite frankly, should be left alone.
If you are concerned about your weight, you should talk to your doctor. No magazine or book or DVD knows you like he or she does. Doctors aren't all about the prescriptions; they may have a good, simple plan for you to follow. Besides, you should see your doctor for a physical before starting any workout regimen, so you're going to be there, anyway.
Remember, it's our duty as good citizens to live as long as we can, just to keep the Social Security people totally confounded.
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