Isn't It Obvious? (originally published May 17, 2005)

To begin today's rant, I would like to thank the various Departments of Transportation in the odd state or two I travel regularly for their recent efforts at honesty. Travelling so many miles in a state whose official animal is the orange barrel, I must say that there is nothing so frustrating as having to wait for hours in a miles-long procession of slug-paced vehicles while being outwardly lied to by those working to improve our infrastructure, one crater at a time. When you encounter a sign that says, "Road Construction Next 250,000 miles" while cruising day after day at 4 miles per hour on a four-lane road bottlenecked into a two-vehicle wide pothole, you expect to see a bit of progress. That's what the word 'construction' makes us infer. . . progress. You expect to see something being built but, instead, all you are able to say after six or eight months of barrel dodging is, "That's a damn nice trench they've dug, there."

Now, in at least a slight play for honesty, the signs say "Road Work Next 250,000 miles". This is technically true, in that they are working, but they are not claiming any progress in the working. They are merely stating the obvious.

I used to think that the human talent for stating the obvious was merely borne of a need for 'small talk', in the constant effort to fill every bit of silence with some inane banter of sorts. After many years of dealing with the public at large, both in retail home improvement and construction, I believe it has become some sort of psychological reinforcement; a bit of compensation for the fact that most humans do not seem to have the ability to see the obvious.

When you stop and consider the environment in which I had this epiphany, the idea becomes rather terrifying. Construction. . .Home improvement. . . People who have access, not only to power tools, but many, many miles of pressurized pipes and energized wiring systems, all wrapped in a very flammable shell of lumber and drywall, who are unintentionally ready to kill or be killed.

One of my favorite stories on this road of discovery came when I was still in college, working for a small retailer in Kentucky. An older gentleman came in looking for a light for over his front door, and was carefully regarding a wall full of brightly-illuminated fixtures when I approached.

The encounter went something like:
"Can I help you, sir?"
"I'm looking at lights."
"Okay," I say, smiling inwardly. "Is there any particular type you were looking for?"
"Well, these look interesting," *long pause* "Are these electrical?"

Of course, I managed to get out a 'yes' before my lesser-controlled brain cells kicked in and made me say something like "Well, sir, most of them are magickal," and then wave to turn on one of the motion lights. Even in the time before my enlightenment on the subject (no pun intended), I chose not to torment or ridicule. That, and, getting fired wouldn't have been very conducive to making my tuition payments.

So remember, when someone says "It's a nice day," or "Road Construction Ahead," it's not because they want to be annoying, they're merely fulfilling a psychological need to show they get the blatantly obvious, and help those along who don't. If someone rattles off a question that makes you wonder just how boneheaded a species we are, be polite and accept them for their little flaws. Just smile and nod, remembering that they are the majority, and they have all the bulldozers and nuclear weapons.